Todd Covini
07-13-2008, 10:04 AM
You might be a ricer if...
-You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
-You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
-Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
-17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.
-You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
-You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
-DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
-Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
-A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
-Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
-The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
-Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1."
-Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
-You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
-You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
-You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
-Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
-Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
-You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
-You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
-Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
-The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
-You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
-You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
-You install clear corner and brake lights.
-You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
-You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
-You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
-If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
-if you can fit a fist thru your exhaust tip
-You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
-If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
-Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
-EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
-You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
-You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
-You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
-The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
-If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
-You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
-A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
-You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
-If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
-If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
-If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
-If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T
-Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards...
-You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
-If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
-If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
-MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
-Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
-Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
-The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
-If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
-If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
-If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
-If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
-You think pushrods are a bad thing…
-Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
-Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
-You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.
-If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
-You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
-You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
-If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
-You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
-If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
-If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
-If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
-If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
-If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
-You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar ...
-You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.
-You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.
-You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
-You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)
-You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
-You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
-If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
-You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
-You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible
-If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
-If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
-You have a front wing.
-If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
-If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™
-If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
-If you think colored head lights work better
-Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!
-If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
-You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
-You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
-You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
-You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
-You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
-Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
-after losing you flip your opponent off... rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.
-Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills."
-you are a kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
-drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
-Your car has more monitors than a computer room in a library
-You brag that to your friends that you raced a "Vette" and won, but for fear of embarrassment failed to mention it was a CHE-Vette
-You've spent more on graphics and decals than you have in gas, for the whole year
-You sound like you're going 90, but you're creeping past 25
-You upgraded to the "big bore" 2 inch exhaust
-You lose 2 mpg by installing a body kit
-Your wing is so large that if you go faster than 65, your bumper drags
-You think "displacement" is something that happens to homeless people
-Yugo's give you a run for the money
-You continuously run red lights because they are invisible thru your red window tint
-15's are considered HUGE rims
-You can reach back and defrost the rear window by hand
-You will race anyone, anytime, and already know that you will lose
-You spend all your money pimping it out because spending money to make it faster is a waste
-Your little sister is the only one impressed with your car
-When you win a race, you don't really win, it's just that the other guy felt soooo sorry for you
-You think your mom's Corolla is fast
-The cross section of your exhaust tip is bigger than the contact patch of your tires
-Your aftermarket tach is bigger than your fist
-You bought the big ass tach to try to scare off the fast cars
-But all it does is let people know how hard you have to push it to exceed the legal speed limit
-You rev on school busses
-Hell, you rev on people in electric wheelchairs
-You buy and install custom rims a pair at a time
-YOU REALIZE THAT ALL OF THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND YOU STILL THINK YOU'RE COOL!!!
-You've entered a 12 step program called "How to come to terms with your limitations"
-The bill of your hat gets caught when you roll the window up
-You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and don't know what they're for
-You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and DO know what they're for
-You go to the auto paint store and pick out the most retina burning color you can find
-You buy race gas to drop you from 17.02 to 16.9 in the quarter, and then tell all your friends how fast you went
-You add a second battery to power all the neon, and the mini disco ball
-You add a wing on TOP of your car, 'cause wagons need down force too
-You've ever painted bare, raw fiberglass black and said "Look! It's just like carbon fiber!"
-You get pimped out props from the mini truck crowd
-You still only get dates from high school girls
-You actually own a pair of light up glasses from Checker Auto
-When you install your super phat wing, you put the pointy ends up
-You purchase and install a body kit, one piece at a time
-You saw the "Rice Boy" magazine in the back of Sport Compact, and inquired about a subscription
-Your brother is pissed cause you stole the muffler off his dirt bike (it was a direct fit!)
-Your dad is worried cause you bought a car with less displacement than his lawnmower
-You have more exhaust decibels than your engine has horsepower.
-You have aftermarket FRONT wheels for racing but stock rear wheels.
-Your engine makes twice as much horsepower as torque.
-17" rims up front, 13" out back on your FWD.
-You ever painted your wheels to match the same color of your car.
-You put your automatic car in neutral at every stoplight in order to roll it back and try to fool other people into thinking you have a manual transmission
-DuPont gave up trying to figure out the shade you were asking for.
-Your mod list includes stereo equipment, shifter handle, MOMO steering wheel, PIA driving lights, exhaust tip, but no REAL engine parts.
-A chameleon lizard undergoes fewer shade changes than your custom paint scheme.
-Your rims and tires are so large, that you have to install the tire / wheel from underneath the car because it simply won't fit in the wheel well going in from the side.
-The dealer laughs when you bring your car back in for service under warranty, and you've only had it 6 months...
-Your tires / rims stick out from the lip of your car by more than 1."
-Your paint job is from the WRONG end of the color spectrum.
-You installed spacers on your STOCK wheels and tires to get them to stick out past the fender.
-You see cars like yours in a Shriner's Parade for Children and clowns are driving them.
-You bring an empty Maxwell House coffee can with you to compare size when you shop for an aftermarket exhaust system.
-Your Eclipse GS-T hardtop has a "SPYDER" emblem on the rear...
-Your sum knowledge of suspension is: "the more negative camber, the better the handling."
-You push your car through the staging lanes. That way, maybe you can break into the 16s by keeping the motor cool between runs.
-You add a super tall rear wing, and a hundred pounds of aftermarket ground effects, neon and stereo yet you gut the interior and yank out the rear seat for weight savings.
-Your rear wing AND your rear window have a third mount brake light...
-The back lighting in the gauges in your A-pillar gauge pod work long before the actual gauges are hooked up.
-You cut 4 coil springs and scrape the chassis on the ground. Sparks are cool when you corner at normal traffic speeds!
-You have to find a way to drive AROUND speed bumps in a parking lot.
-You install clear corner and brake lights.
-You install colored bulbs in your aftermarket clear lenses.
-You ever put neon on the bottom of your car, and then busted it on the first speed bump you went over.
-You painted the UNDERBODY of your car to match
-If your rear spoiler is taller then you are.
-if you can fit a fist thru your exhaust tip
-You have more stereo WATTS than engine TORQUE!
-If your tailpipe extension is the most expensive mod you’ve done to your engine yet.
-Your tailpipe extension fell off during a quarter mile race and you went three tenths of a second faster due to weight savings.
-EVERY car in your class has a turbo pushing double digits worth of boost.
-You spent $5,000 on the engine and you can not out run a stock Camaro, Firebird, or Mustang
-You want the 'wastegate' sound, but don't want to install a turbocharger system.
-You think Nitrous Oxide on your Hyundai Sonata puts you in the same performance league as the Chevy Corvette.
-The automatic version of your car runs 2 seconds slower in the 1/4mile.
-If the 1970 Plymouth Daytona Superbird has a smaller spoiler than your car does.
-You think the Del Sol is a sports car...
-A torque converter does NOTHING for your car.
-You think a deep farty noise = the sound of high performance
-If you think that horsepower is far more important than torque
-If you have ever claimed that switching to a cone filter has given you more than 5 HP.
-If you have ever considered installing more than one set of fog / driving lights.
-If you claim that the aftermarket cold air intake system you just installed doubled your horsepower or took 2 or more seconds off of your E/T
-Your baseball cap is always on backwards when you drive (the first sign of mental retardation, wearing your clothes backwards...
-You spent all night on the Internet trying to find a company that makes a turbocharger system for your Hyundai...
-If you removed your side view mirrors and put them at the TOP of the door / window frame.
-If you think the Fugees are 'speed' music.
-MOMO is 'absolutely required' to go fast.
-Your four cylinder has a dual exhaust system installed.
-Your four cylinder has four exhaust pipes ("Hey, one for each cylinder!")
-The color of your interior upholstery hurts the cones and rods in other people's eyes.
-If you cannot drive your car in snow as the ground effects create a plow effect.
-If you have installed driving lights to compensate for headlight blackouts / tape.
-If you think that 180 horsepower and 185 lb/ft of torque are impressive for a ‘mildly’ modified engine.
-If you have stickers on your car for parts that you could not point out if asked where those parts are installed.
-You think pushrods are a bad thing…
-Your car has more decals than you do the quarter in seconds.
-Every Honda you EVER owned, all the way back to your 1978 Accord was either a V-Tec or a TYPE-R.
-You took your rear seat out and gutted your interior for weight savings but you installed 400 pounds of electronics, neon, DVD, Sony, etc.
-If you gutted the interior to save weight on a car that you will never take to the track…
-You lean your seat so far back when you are driving, that every time you hit a bump, its your back and not your butt that hurts.
-You have hydraulics and sixteen switches on a car you claim runs low 10s on the street and corners better than a Porsche.
-If you can estimate that your car makes more than 250 HP without ever running it at the track or getting a dyno reading.
-You claim that you can get a titanium block for your engine.
-If you have ever thought Hyundai and "performance" went hand in hand
-If you've ever gone to a parts shop or speed warehouse and asked for a 1" to 6" exhaust adapter...
-If you've ever contemplated adding "TYPE-R" stickers to your Sonata…
-If you've removed more than 1/2 of the coils from your springs by cutting them yourself ...
-If you have more neon lights on your car than a strip club...
-You put Kanji on your Ford ZX2, Ford Probe, or Mercury Cougar ...
-You own a "TYPE-R" Hyundai or Mazda.
-You couldn't afford headlight masking, so you just painted them with flat black Krylon and it's peeling. Badly.
-You claim that polishing your intake gave you 5hp.
-You own a V-TEC Hyundai or Mazda (especially a V-TEC rotary engined Mazda RX-7)
-You have neon INSIDE your car or in your ENGINE compartment
-You ever claimed that high gas mileage made your car superior in performance to V8s.
-If it takes you 8000rpm to reach 30mph from a dead stop at WOT.
-You think yellow plastic interior trim makes your car cool
-You spend $500 for a giant hand welded tube for a muffler with the weld marks extremely visible
-If you paint your drum brakes to simulate Hi-po calipers
-If you install fake hi-po caliper / disc simulators
-You have a front wing.
-If you lower your car and add ground effects but retain the stock 14inch wheels with disc style wheel covers
-If you equate the sound of performance with the sound of a Weed Eater™
-If you think bolting a fake muffler to one side to simulate dual exhaust is cool
-If you think colored head lights work better
-Clear tail lights and turn signals. They’re colored for a REASON!
-If you take mom's 4 door Honda accord and do any kind of mod to it
-You drive a Ford Escort station wagon with Kanji, wide tires, and Limp Bizkit stickers on the rear hatch
-You claim you lost the race because you had a passenger in the car.
-You claim how if you went from a roll you would have beat him.
-You claim you lost because you missed a shift... and your car is an automatic.
-You claim you lost because he must have been on the juice..
-Flying past the person who is 10 car lengths in front of you after they have put on their brakes.. and claim a victory.
-after losing you flip your opponent off... rev your motor and fail to break the wheels loose even around a corner.
-Tell everyone about how you lost the cop because of your "driving skills."
-you are a kid driving an import.. wear baggy pants/hat turned around, walk with a fake limp and end every sentence with "yew know wha I'm sayin? Relate."
-drive around in a $20,000 import with $10,000 in mods.. and still live with your parents.
-Your car has more monitors than a computer room in a library
-You brag that to your friends that you raced a "Vette" and won, but for fear of embarrassment failed to mention it was a CHE-Vette
-You've spent more on graphics and decals than you have in gas, for the whole year
-You sound like you're going 90, but you're creeping past 25
-You upgraded to the "big bore" 2 inch exhaust
-You lose 2 mpg by installing a body kit
-Your wing is so large that if you go faster than 65, your bumper drags
-You think "displacement" is something that happens to homeless people
-Yugo's give you a run for the money
-You continuously run red lights because they are invisible thru your red window tint
-15's are considered HUGE rims
-You can reach back and defrost the rear window by hand
-You will race anyone, anytime, and already know that you will lose
-You spend all your money pimping it out because spending money to make it faster is a waste
-Your little sister is the only one impressed with your car
-When you win a race, you don't really win, it's just that the other guy felt soooo sorry for you
-You think your mom's Corolla is fast
-The cross section of your exhaust tip is bigger than the contact patch of your tires
-Your aftermarket tach is bigger than your fist
-You bought the big ass tach to try to scare off the fast cars
-But all it does is let people know how hard you have to push it to exceed the legal speed limit
-You rev on school busses
-Hell, you rev on people in electric wheelchairs
-You buy and install custom rims a pair at a time
-YOU REALIZE THAT ALL OF THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND YOU STILL THINK YOU'RE COOL!!!
-You've entered a 12 step program called "How to come to terms with your limitations"
-The bill of your hat gets caught when you roll the window up
-You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and don't know what they're for
-You cut 2" holes in your rear bumper and DO know what they're for
-You go to the auto paint store and pick out the most retina burning color you can find
-You buy race gas to drop you from 17.02 to 16.9 in the quarter, and then tell all your friends how fast you went
-You add a second battery to power all the neon, and the mini disco ball
-You add a wing on TOP of your car, 'cause wagons need down force too
-You've ever painted bare, raw fiberglass black and said "Look! It's just like carbon fiber!"
-You get pimped out props from the mini truck crowd
-You still only get dates from high school girls
-You actually own a pair of light up glasses from Checker Auto
-When you install your super phat wing, you put the pointy ends up
-You purchase and install a body kit, one piece at a time
-You saw the "Rice Boy" magazine in the back of Sport Compact, and inquired about a subscription
-Your brother is pissed cause you stole the muffler off his dirt bike (it was a direct fit!)
-Your dad is worried cause you bought a car with less displacement than his lawnmower